Devotional: Friendship

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

Proverbs 17:17

If the past few months have taught us anything, it’s that we’ll go to great lengths to keep our friends and family close – even if we haven’t hugged them in weeks or months.

Does hanging out with others tend to exhaust or energize you? Whether you’re more introverted or extroverted, you’ve probably felt the recent effects of your changing social life in one way or another.

Even if you have always identified as an introvert, this shutdown has been long enough to drive just about anyone to the point of craving more and/or deeper friendships.

We’re in the middle of a classic case of “you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.” In our world, many of us didn’t realize just how integral our social life was to our overall well-being until everything changed.

 

Check out the verse from Proverbs up above.

Do you agree with both halves of the verse? 

Do you friends match either or both of these two definitions of what a true friend looks like?

Do you feel like your friends would describe their friendship with/from you according to these two definitions?

(Did you just read some discussion questions in the middle of the devotional, instead of at the end like usual? YUP!)

 

In many ways, friendships are some of the most challenging relationships to nurture and take care of.

Marriage relationships are definitely the most intimate across all metrics, but the overall set-up here has many built-in advantages:

  • you live together
  • you see each other every day
  • you’re legally bound to one another
  • you share assets, such as a house, car, etc.
  • you share roles, such as being parents, roommates, etc.

Overall, it’s pretty difficult to flat out ignore your spouse or to not have any clue what’s going on in their life haha! But friendships – with your friends – can be a bit more tricky sometimes.

Friendships don’t have all the same relationship benefits that marriage does:

  • you don’t live together
  • you don’t see each other every day
  • you’re not legally bound to each other.
  • you don’t share assets, such as a house, car, etc.
  • you don’t share roles, such as being parents, roommates, etc.

Especially in a time and age when we are being encouraged to limit social engagement in groups, high risk environments, etc., it can be wildly difficult to nurture current friendships and to create new ones. Just like the proverb says, you might describe this season as a “time of adversity.”

All of this definitely makes me wonder what we would be doing if it weren’t for Zoom calls haha!

It also makes we wonder how we can be proactive in setting up our friendships for success.

 

All friendships are different, but here is the common thread that binds all of them together:

All friendships run two ways. They require the participation and engagement and love from both parties – otherwise it would just be a star/fan relationship, not a true friendship.

In light of this two-way street of friendship, I’d like to encourage you to look at each of your friendships from two different perspectives.

  1. He/She is my friend.

From this perspective, you can think about the ways in which your friend takes care of and shows love to you. This perspective can help you to understand who the other person is at a deeper level, and why it is that the two of you are such good friends. When friends go through “rough patches” together, more often than not both parties assume this perspective, wondering why the other has let them down in some way.

  1. I am his/her friend.

From this perspective, you can think about the ways in which you take care of and show love to your friend. This perspective can help you to become a better, more loving, more caring friend that is more helpful and more enjoyable to be around. When friends go through “rough patches” together, more often than not assuming this perspective can lead to quicker resolutions and even stronger bonds.

This would be true outside of global pandemic circumstances as well, but we would do best to appreciate the first perspective while really pursuing the second perspective. Friendships thrive when both parties are looking out for the best interest of the other, and that starts with focusing more on what you can provide and less on what you can gain. 

 

You probably already have a few people coming to mind as you’re reading this. 

Some of those names and faces come to mind because they absolutely embody your idea of what it means to be a great friend.

Some of those names and face come to mind because they are quite the opposite of what you envision in terms of friendship.

In either case, you have a choice to make, which means the ball is back in your court.

You can choose to focus on how good or not good of a friend someone has been to you.

Or you can choose to focus on how good or not good of a friend you have been to someone else.

In either case, we all have work to do, and this is a perfect season in which to do it.

Go tell someone that you’re here for them during this time, and that you’re glad they’re your friend. 😊